Something Super Personal...

Hi bunny!

I wanted to drop in and share something super personal and vulnerable: after years of avoiding it: I finally released my podcast, AHH!! It sounds like clickbait. “Erica… that's your super personal and vulnerable share?!” It is. Here’s why: for years, out of fear I skirted around really owning and showing up for the desire. I have been a guest on, no joke at least 100 other podcast shows. If you’re an OG you remember I even had my own radio show called “Shine School” on Blog Talk Radio, it was fabulous but I wasn’t allowing myself to go THERE and really be seen.

My radio show years ago was so fun and light. This new podcast has brought up ALL of the feels for me. I am speaking about extremely vulnerable topics including body image, confidence, sexuality and pleasure. I am allowing myself to be deeply seen in the good, bad and ugly. That’s vulnerable, yo. I have been (lovingly) encouraging myself to show up, share my truth and to be seen, deeply. This includes consistently talking about the podcast, sharing very personal stories on the show and being willing to get messy. AHHH there’s the real jab. As a recovering perfectionist, releasing a weekly podcast can trigger the shit out of me. “Do the show notes make sense!? UGH at 34 minutes and 23 seconds my cackle is aggressive in the mic. Wow, I am really bad at interviewing people, I am an ass for free flowing, next time I should make a script.” You get where I am going with this. Not being able to control and make everything picture perfect has brought out a lot of unhealed wounds that I have to look at, which is at times a major pain in the ass, but ultimately for my highest good so I can clean that wonky shit up.

A big lesson I learned in releasing the podcast was having the capacity to hold GOODNESS. As a society we are very obsessed with getting the next best thing. I am not throwing shade on having desires and goals, but a huge thing that I work with my clients on is having the capacity to hold goodness. It sounds counterintuitive but let’s look at the easiest example: lottery winners. The percentage of people that actually hold onto their winnings, is SMALL.

There’s a reason that this statistic plays out time and time again: we need to wire our nervous system and bodies to hold good things. No matter how bad you want it, if you feel you can’t hold a lot of goodness or you aren’t worthy or deserving you will find ways to dodge or push that thing away. IE: You hit the jackpot and win the lotto: it’s exciting at first and then massively overwhelming, you feel like you can’t hold that level of responsibility and cash. Slowly but surely, you find ways to slowly “get rid” or burn through the dough. AKA: it doesn’t feel safe to hold that level so you push it away. HOLDING is a huge part of my work, and something I had to practice A LOT during this podcast launch. It’s important we learn how to hold ourselves deeply, hold goodness and hold the highest vision we have for ourselves.